


FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE!

by TheBroken



Category: citrus - サブロウタ | citrus - Saburouta
Genre: Anxiety Disorder, Canon Lesbian Character, F/F, Haru/Matsu, Implied Sexual Content, Lesbian Romance, Love, POV First Person, POV Lesbian Character, Public Display of Affection, Stream of Consciousness, Suggestive Themes, Why Isn't This A Canon Lesbian Relationship After Eight Years, lesbian love, lesbian themes, underaged
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-09
Updated: 2020-12-09
Packaged: 2021-03-09 21:48:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,333
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27953384
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheBroken/pseuds/TheBroken
Summary: Matsuri's first-person stream of consciousness viewpoint during a train ride to see her lover Harumi, who is at University now. Set about a year after the events of Citrus Plus.
Relationships: Mizusawa Matsuri/Taniguchi Harumi, others
Comments: 8
Kudos: 30





	FRIDAY I'M IN LOVE!

**Author's Note:**

> This is set after most of the girls, (But not poor Matsuri, who is two years younger!) have been away at university for a while, at this point. It's told from Matsuri's first-person point of view, as a stream of thought diary entry... I hope you enjoy reading this as much as I did writing it, just for all the Haru/Matsu factionalistas (I think I coined a new word!) out there!

Dear stupid diary!- This is Matsuri again, and all that matters in this whole dumb-ass week is...

_It's Friday, I'm in love!_

First of all, it's school. I'm still stuck being a second-year girl in high school. It's just been _pure Hell the_ _past nearly frigging year_ without my onee-chans Yuzu and Mei, who are in university now, and I even miss Glasses senpai and Eyebrow- Chan, and it's just so sonofabitch dull...

_And then, there's the whole Harumi problem._

The problem being, Harumi Taniguchi, my Awefabumazing girlfriend, is at the same school like everyone else. They're all so inseparable, I want to kill them!

_(Hah-Hah! just kidding, Mr. Diary Policeman!)_

But, I mean... the new student council president and her team of _ass-kissers_ are the biggest drags who ever existed, I mean, she's like Eyebrow- chan on a bad period to the tenth mother-power! She'd love to reverse Mei's new rules she created before she left, but they are written in stone- I mean, _ **literally** , she had them carved _on a stone plaque on the entrance to the building: _-_

_"The Aihara Academy is dedicated to the idea that every young Japanese girl can pursue her dreams and ambitions in a learning environment that preserves, enhances, and nurtures not only her scholastic experience and learning potential but her individuality and womanhood to be."_

And that's how it is! But some people are just at the wrong damned school, I think. It's time for the traditional school system in this country to get shaken up. I mean... Japan badly needs some new social ideas. _All the way around!_

Like a little more tolerance and acceptance of girls like me and my friends, such as perhaps allowing us to get married.

_I mean, to each other._

Because...we're all _gay. Queer. Lesbian. Whatever the Hell you want to call it!_ And we're all coupled up. Yuzu, and Mei. Himeko, and Suzuran. Mitsuko, and Kayo.

 _Harumi.._.And _me._

 _And there's my problem!_ She's in one school, I'm in another, she and I are lovers, and it's Friday and I'm riding this damned train to go and see her this lovely weekend! It's not that far, and the school they're all going to is cool, I mean, laid back for such a fine school, and no-one is going to be abusive to her when we get seen together as an obvious pair, people there seem to mind their own business for the most part, ... but, I miss seeing her all the time- I miss them all, really- I wonder how things will be with us when we're all finished with school, whether we'll like, separate all over the map, or... whatever.

That's a depressing thought.

 _Depressed._

I've always been a grown woman locked in a girl's body. Always thinking and acting like an adult. Except around my parents. They want their _little girl!_

But I took it out on the rest of the world.

Mentally overdeveloped.

_Yeah- NOT your average crack-snacker!_

The intellectual equivalent of Harumi's' boobs!

_Mm-mm! Harumi's' boobs!_

_( No- you guessed it... my Mom didn't breast-feed me, and I'm over-compensating! )_

God, no-one who hasn't been there, who hasn't been this little grown-up ever since they could remember, with a woman's thoughts and desires since I hit puberty, can know _how_ frustrating, hateful, inconvenient, unfair...

_Fuck all that..._

How about how much it _hurts?_

_How Goddamn depressing it can be._

And my therapist suggested I try to be upbeat and start a nice diary-like _proper girls_ do- Just write my stream of thought observations out.

 _"And,_ _uh... try not to be pornographic, Matsuri, because, I know that's your default setting when you start becoming afraid you're revealing too much of your real feelings."_

_What can I offer in rebuttal? When she's right, she's right!..._

**_BITCH!!!_ **

(Or throw shit and see where it splatters!)

And I'm dying with laughter, at first, you know, because I'm thinking of a couple of grade-schoolers:

_"Dear Diary- Today, Tako and I went to the laser tag parlor! Tee- Hee- Hee!"_

_Throw up!_

So you're my stupid diary, and I'm writing any shit that comes into my mind and I'll look at it later and try to see who I was and where I was at on such and such a day.

And maybe, it could help me put together this puzzle of who I am.

_So, okay:_

I was vibing Harumi all day at school.

Poor Nene, who has finally gotten used to the whole thing, asked hopefully: "Are you _still_ seeing Harumi?"

I think she has a crush on me or something.

 _"Every time I close my eyes!"_ I told her.

_Poor girl!_

_We've got to help her find someone sweet for her own!_

And so, later, I'm thinking Harumi all thru this dumb-ass trip while this pervy looking salary- man, who's one of only a couple more passengers, keeps looking from my pretty little feet up to my cute little ass and back again like he can't decide whether he wants to be walked on, or sat on!

Looking at my body is my girlfriend's privilege, _dude!_

So I decided to help him.

I saunter up, and right away you can tell he's jerked off reading every _Weekly News_ article about young schoolgirls in Tokyo prostituting themselves for Goodtime money. He smirks at me as I give him a smile.

 _"You perverted... old... slimy prick!'_ I say as his face drops into a sweaty puddle of fear and confusion. "You know, if you could bang me with your eyeballs, I'd have already been deflowered ten times! Why don't you look out a window or some different item of interest, or anything, really, that isn't _my ass,_ and I'll think about maybe not telling the authorities you were harassing me?" And I just turn and leave him looking at his own feet for a change. Jesus! He's like all those bastards from my cam-girl scam days. The least said of which, _the better!_

I don't hate men...most men are fine, I know, 'cause I actually know several, and they are cool! For God's sake, I've got a kid brother! They're half the world's population! But there's this _sex thing_ that's always going to be there... It's just natural, I guess. _And that's cool, as far as_ _that goes...which means- not **too** far. 'Cause...they have nothing I want that way. I'm as obvious as a 300 yen note!_

And, of course, you've got someone like _that_ vile piece of dog-junk on my train-trip! My train trip to see _my Harumi! And those guys are on a shit- list all their own!_

Harumi and I were an unlikely pair at the start; I was totally in love with her, and I was pure jailbait, _(The only thing pure about me!)_ a mentally fucked- up criminal, and looked like I was twelve, instead of the fourteen I was, and she thought I was a disease, and I guess I was. But somehow, a couple of years later, when I started to even out more, or she got used to me one, we finally connected!

I mean, she was a _little dense-_ she thought my I'm- only- joking - about having the hots for you was true, instead of a cover for my then-secret massive insecurities! I was just afraid she'd banish me from her presence!

I won't lie and say it's always smooth sailing; I have psychiatric issues and I can be hard to relate to sometimes, and she still sometimes doesn't like the publicly gay thing (Although she's cool most of the time with it!) and yeah, sometimes people are nasty about us being a couple-I'm somewhat shorter than her, and though I've developed a nice little figure, I'm still baby- faced and my Taniguchi- love has apparently looked like a grown woman since she was thirteen and is endowed with a set of Harumi- melons she could smother me to death with!

( _Oh, my GOD! What a way to die!)_

I brought clothes in my backpack to school and I quickly changed in a bathroom because I had to get the first train I could. I've got some extras with me and I'm ready until I have to go back Sunday evening.

God, why did I have to be two years younger?

I'm practically getting wet thinking of the two of us together and doing what comes naturally, which for the record, is lying in that bed at her apartment with nothing on but that little nightlight and devouring each other- and this train has got to stop sometime soon, and my Baby is going to be waiting near the stop, and I keep swearing I'm going to be cool, just nonchalantly stroll up and give a bored, "Hello, Taniguchi- San", but I know it's not gonna be that way.

I've been wanting to see her all week, I've been drooling for that woman; I've been aggravating her with my whiny, shameless calls and I'm gonna shiver so bad when I touch her skin she'll think she's an ice-pop!

_Harumi... I'm **besties** with my sexy, hot little right hand, O.K.?_

If I tear into those lips, I'll probably start crying again because I can't help myself around her these days! _Because._ Because...

 _Because I_ _want her FOREVER._

_And I'm so worried she's afraid of forever, and all that it means...at least to the two of us as a continuing couple, like my Yuzu and Mei._

_I want to be special to her always._

Because... _she's so fucking special to me._

_I worry so bad, though she tells me she wants me, and I know she's straight up with me! But...I'm so afraid...because somewhere inside, a part of me can't accept what she accepted two years ago.  
_

_That I'm worthy of it. That I'm all that, and I'm worth it to her._

Between my therapist, my Harumi, and little old fucked- up me... I swear I will believe in that, one day! And in the meantime, my Baby treats me like gold, she puts up with my crap, and she knows that I'm an open wound of insecurity...

_That adores her_

_That worships her like she was a goddess._

_Who would lay down at her feet if she asked me._

Because to me- she is that goddess! And one day, I'll come to my own place of understanding, and then, watch out world!

But until then, I've got this anxiety problem.

And I just get so _scared_ when we're apart.

And just as this shit is doing a tumble dry thru my mind, I feel the train begin to brake gently, and I'm seeing familiar scenery outside the window, as it unrolls, slower, and slower.

I'm bouncing on my heels like I'm about to wet myself and I'm in the longest bathroom line on earth from my sheer nervousness...but then, the train comes to a stop, and I'm already rushing to the door, my heart is starting to flutter, and I'm not cool anymore, I'm just a girl who's so in love she can't believe how lucky she is...

I'm on the platform. I'm running again.

Oh, it seems I've always been running somewhere- too, or from, but now I'm gonna get there!

Catch me, Harumi! Catch me, because I'm falling, every time I see you again I keep...

_Falling._

_I'm running rude and unapologetic thru the crowd, and I don't care, watching them part before me like I was a Goddamn shark!_

There she is, she's looking for me, she turns. Oh my God, it's real! I really am hooked up with Harumi, and I'm not just dreaming of this!

She sees me! She smiles at me! She holds out her arms to me...

Her arms are talking; they're saying: _"It's okay, Baby! We're two girls who are together and I'm going to let the whole world know it! This whole solemn world is gonna see two girls who aren't afraid to show them that they're a couple, that they're so together, that they've said...they've said..."_

_"They've said, "I love you!"_

_"And I'm going to take **everything** that comes with saying that for real!"_

My legs are pumping! My heart is about to burst from the excitement! I've got tears in my eyes and I don't care! I'm going to her apartment we're going to undress, and she's going to show me that I'm the only girl she could ever want, and I'm gonna give it back in doubles!

Harumi, the friction of your lips on mine!

The fire! 

Their softness, and their hunger!

_I'm dying for you._

Let me _live_ in your tender love, let me know the _need_ in your heart, in your sweet body...please let that need _always be for me._

Your kisses in my mouth all over my face all down my body I want it so bad I'm crying I can't take another minute alone you _you_ **_YOU_** holding me touching me loving me doing it to me until I fucking explode...

I have no shame. I never have, really, and I'm not going to pretend that I'm not hopelessly tied to this...wonderful, incredible...

 _"Harumi!"_ I cry out.

I leap into her arms, which slide under my bottom to support me as I throw mine around her, wrap my legs in a clench around her waist like an extra set of arms, body hug all that woman, all that love... and just give in, just allow myself to be hers. And oh, she's not ashamed of my actions!

At one time, she would have been.

But not now.

Now, she understands, that for me... it can't be any other way.

Other people don't do this in Japan.

_BUT **WE** DO!_

_My lover. My lover. **MY LOVER!!!**_

_**I allow myself to just give my heart and soul into her care.** _

_And by doing that at that moment... I am Heroic, I am Powerful, I am Epic..._

_Because I want myself to be **hers.** I am so **totally** hers._

_And I'll gladly carve **that** into a stone._

_She's hugging me as a lover would in front of everyone, and we just stay like that a moment, as the world turns. Running my hands over her, she caresses me in return! I'm crying from the ecstasy of just... just being.  
_

_And being with **her.**_

_And watch me cry world, I don't care how pathetic I look as long as I'm being loved. I can be cool some other day! My Harumi is long since used to it._

_Before her, I only cried in pain..._

_Now, I cry from the release of pain._

_Now I cry...with **joy!**_

_Because somehow, we two fucked- up people miraculously found each other!  
_

_Please be **my forever,** Harumi! _

_I've been loved and I have loved in return, and now I can't be that person I was anymore._

_That brat. That monster. That...joke. I can't go back..._

_I'll die, I'll fucking curl up and just cease to live!_

_Please let me be **your** **forever,** Harumi. _

_Please._

_"I've missed you!"_ is all I can say. Simply. Honestly. Profoundly. I can't say anything else. I can't get the jumble of words out. People are staring and I wish they'd just vanish because it's our world and _we own it, together._

_And if it's what you want, Harumi, I'll give you my half! Along with my heart and soul, for just one..._

_I just don't want to embarrass her, but I want to kiss...I want it so bad...wait..._

_Oh my God, I feel one hand come up from my bottom and touch my chin gently! She's tilting my face up! She's... she brings her face to mine, and I'm already starting to shudder with anticipation, even my lips are trembling by the time hers touch them, I knot my fingers together because my arms want to slide down uselessly to my sides. She sets me down to my unsteady feet and I'm in ecstasy! She's finally going to do it! The last breakthrough! Harumi is kissing me tenderly sweetly lovingly God God God warm wet deep yes yes yes I'm whimpering fuck it in front of a crowd of people- it could be the whole world and she wouldn't care- for the first time **ever** and I know...I know **I KNOW...**  
_

_I'm **who,** and **what** she wants. And she's mine too. She totally belongs to me!_

The kiss finally softly breaks. I'm breathing heavily, Harumi is smiling with her eyes half-closed like she can't believe she just did that and she's so proud she did, just like _I_ am of _her!_ We look at each other like our eyes are new, and it's a solid minute before I'm coming back to that other _boring_ reality that surrounds us and I see that among the few people who elected to watch us, some are smiling, one or two are puzzled looking, and one or two turn away in obvious disgust.

_A **nd... I. Don't. Give. A. Fuck.**_

I hear a woman who's young enough to have no excuse for thinking such a thing say to her friend:

 _"But... but they are **both girls!**_ **"**

Yes, lady, _we are._

_We are two girls in love with each other._

And this is what people in love do, men with women, men with men, and women with women. And the world can like it or not.

And that part is their right to do so.

But... world, you are _going to leave us alone._

And we _demand that as **our** right._

_I look up away from them and into my Lover's beautiful face and I don't care how I look, as long as it's good with her._

_"I love you. I love you so much!" I whisper._

_It's but a few words, but I put my heart in them._

_" I love you more! " Harumi says, with no less feeling, but with a dorky laugh, and she's suddenly got me even happier and laughing back with her!_ **She's just... so... damned... amazing!**

 _"Now I guess we'll just..?"_ I venture to her.

 _"Let's go home, Honey."_ Harumi answers me, wiping my tears away while I just fucking melt _because..._

_I'm already home, Mama Harumin!_

_WE turn and leave the station, the whispers behind us part like curtains and I release the butterflies in my stomach to fly around us as a love gift to my Harumi, snuggle snuggle snuggle up to all that gorgeous woman!_

The week is forgotten.

Four days a week that I don't exist, where life is just a cheap, non-descript room and I'm only a lodger there.

And dear stupid diary, I guess when I read this in _ten years,_ _or twenty_ , or even when I'm fucking _old_...

This is a selfy of me _today._

_At Seventeen._

_I'm Seventeen years old, and I'm already with the woman I want forever!_

_And I could be wrong, I could be delusional... But there's one thing I definitely am..._

_I'm in love. I'm over my head, insanely in love. And I am by her side..._

_And we're walking to her apartment, unashamed as we cuddle close arm in arm, stealing precious kisses, she's whispering as she surreptitiously swipes nibbles on my ear, "Oh, you are **so** going to get lucky! " _

_But, Harumi, I already am._

_And I feel so safe, so warm, so damned loved, so in love, and loving back with all my soul..._

_And we're going to make love until we pass out. Until neither one of us can do anything but hold each other...  
_

_Gently._

_Sacredly._

_Adoringly._

_Bravely._

_So **bravely**._

Monday was just another sheet of blank,

and worthless, dirty paper.

Tuesday was a rinse and repeat cycle.

I was in a spin

Wednesday wasn't there.

But I was.

Thursday, I was defecting gray...

but I dreamed in colors...

You know, I was only hanging on

because of today,

dear stupid diary...

_Because_

_**Friday, I'm in love!** _


End file.
